Shame is one of the most painful and isolating emotions we can feel.
It tells us there’s something wrong with us – not just with what we did, but with who we are.
And when it’s been with us for years, it can shape every interaction, every risk we take, every relationship we allow ourselves to have.
You might notice it when you avoid speaking up in a meeting.
Or when you replay a conversation in your head, convinced you sounded foolish.
Or in that heaviness that whispers, Why bother? No one wants to hear from you anyway.
Shame isn’t just in our thoughts – it’s in our body. And that’s why somatic therapy exercises are important tools to help us stay grounded when under a shame attack.
The Hidden Nature of Toxic Shame
Unlike guilt, which is about something we did, shame tells us we are the problem. It hides under other emotions such as anxiety, anger, and numbness, making it tricky to name. We might say, “I’m just tired” or “I’m feeling stressed” when, underneath, shame is quietly pulling the strings.
For many people, feelings of not being good enough or lovable begin early. They are woven into the nervous system through repeated moments of disapproval, rejection, or neglect – especially when those moments happened without repair. Over time, shame becomes a default survival strategy, keeping us small to avoid further hurt.
The Somatic Lens
From a nervous system perspective, shame is more than an emotion – it’s a physiological state.
Polyvagal Theory helps explain this: when we feel exposed, rejected, or “not enough,” the body can shift into a dorsal vagal state. This is the shutdown branch of the parasympathetic system, where our energy drops, posture collapses, and voice softens. We literally try to disappear.
Common physical signs include:
- Slumped shoulders or rounded back
- Avoiding eye contact
- Heat in the face and neck
- Tightness in the chest or gut
- A frozen or slowed-down feeling
These sensations aren’t random. They’re the body’s way of protecting us from further harm.
Why Thinking Your Way Out Doesn’t Work
If shame is stored in the body’s survival wiring, then purely cognitive approaches like affirmations, logical reasoning, or telling ourselves “just get over it” rarely reach the root.
We can understand why we feel the way we do, but still be hijacked by it in the moment.
That’s because the nervous system learns shame through repeated body-based experiences. To truly heal, we need body-based ways to re-pattern it.
5 Somatic Tools for Stopping a Shame Attack
Here are five somatic therapy tools that can help you calm an attack and replace it with grounded self-care:
- Orienting to Safety – This video explains the power of orientation and guides you in a short practice you can do anywhere. This can help shift your nervous system out of an acute attack.
- Grounding Practice – This video guides you through exercises to help you feel more calm and present, especially during stressful or emotionally triggering moments.
- Breath Expansion – Place your hands on your ribs and breathe into the sides of your body and extend upwards though your spine and top of your head. This counters shame’s collapsing posture.
- Boundary Gesture – Extend a hand forward as if saying “stop” to an invisible force or to the harsh talk of your inner critic. Feel the strength in your arm.
- Compassionate Self-Talk – Place a hand on your heart and say, “You are safe. You are enough. You belong.”
Going Deeper: A Body-Based Path to Freedom
When we do the real work of healing shame, it doesn’t just “go away” – it’s replaced with a grounded sense of worth and belonging that no one can take from us.
That’s precisely what I teach in my course, Healing the Wounds of Shame. It blends neuroscience, somatic therapy, and BioDynamic Breathwork & Trauma Release practices so you can:
- Understand how shame operates in your nervous system
- Rewire old patterns in real time
- Restore healthy anger, boundaries, and dignity
- Build lasting self-worth and confidence
With the right tools, you can meet shame in the moment, unwind its patterns, and replace it with connection, dignity, and confidence. You’ve carried it long enough. Now is the time to step into the life you’re meant to live.
